


TheGirlWhoCouldn'tStay

by Nicknack2814



Series: The Girl [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Heartache, New Baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5843227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicknack2814/pseuds/Nicknack2814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nearly a year after the events of The Girl who Left and Dean is a demon. Mel comes to help Sam cure him, but is she's not sure whether there is still a future for them or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Soul survivor

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer*A lot of the dialogue in the first three chapters is taken directly from the episode Soul Survivor. I don't own anything nor am I claiming those parts to be original work.*  
> The whole thing is set through season 10 from this point on.

Mel listened to the sound of her feet as they echoed through the halls of the bunker. Her anger rose with each step she took. Everything was great for all of two minutes, at least that's how long it felt in the grand scheme of things. What was it about Dean that prevented him from actually maintaining a happy existence?! She knew what it was, she always had, she was just mentally kicking herself for thinking this time would be any different. She was in love with a self-destructive, selfishly selfless, sometimes moron of a man. She should have known better, she knew Dean inside out, she knew this was inevitable. The minute he stopped really talking to her was the minute she realised it was about to become reality.

She heard Sam talking on the phone as she approached.  
"Killing my brother..." He sighed, "Yeah, all right. I’ll, uh … I’ll leave the entry unlocked for you. Just hurry,"  
"Hey Sammy," Mel gave him a sad smile as she approached,  
"Mel?" He frowned at her,  
"I heard you could use some help," she said,  
"Mel, this isn't a good idea for you to be here," Sam sighed, "it's bad, really bad,"  
"Dean's a demon right?" Mel said, "Cas filled me in," she explained as Sam frowned at her, "so let's cure him,"  
"It's nasty work, he's an evil asshole right now, he'll do and say anything to get under your skin," Sam sighed, his voice beginning to crack,  
"I fell in love with Dean Winchester and I'm still standing, my skin is a little tougher than you think," Mel made Sam chuckle before stepping forward and pulling him into a hug.  
"Thanks, I needed that," he breathed out slowly, visibly a little more relaxed,  
"You're not on your own Sam," Mel squeezed his hand tightly and they walked back into the room.

Dean was slumped over, tied to a chair in the middle of a devil's trap. Sam ran to him, yelling at him to wake up, shaking him and slapping his face a few times. Mel breathed back tears as Dean finally came to.  
"Hey! Dean you okay?" Sam asked,  
"Yeah, if you consider drowning in your own sweat while your blood boils 'okay'," Dean coughed,  
"Look, I can't stop doing this," Sam said,  
"Sure you can, you just stop! There's no point in trying to bring your brother back now," Dean cried,  
"Oh, I will bring him back," Sam said,  
"In fact, your uh… guilt-ridden, weight-of-the-world bro has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. But I’m loving the new model: Lean, mean, Dean," Dean grinned,  
"Right," Sam smirked,  
"What are you doing here?" Dean turned on Mel,  
"Oh me?" Mel asked, "I came to see if you were worth saving,"  
"Really?" Dean laughed,  
"I'm sorry sweetheart, but I checked out on us a long time ago, well before my black eyes kicked in,"  
"I already know that..." Mel said,  
"Do you know how nice it is, not feeling guilty for that? Do you know how many beautiful women I've had in my bed since I stopped coming around? How many glorious positions I've found myself in?" Dean taunted, attempting to break her, "you know, I don't think you're even close to the most gorgeous girl I've seen," he sneered,  
"Well, it's a good job I don't actually give a shit what you think, isn't it?" Mel bit back, she wasn't breaking the way Dean wanted her to,  
"Honey don't lie," Dean smiled, "look how much weight you've put on since I left, I had an effect, you can't deny it,"  
"Oh the weight? Sorry, did I forget to mention," Mel frowned, "I gave birth two weeks ago, to a baby boy, your baby boy," she glared at him, her eyes throwing daggers and the pain and anger etched across her face,  
"Don't try and screw with me," Dean's bravado faltered, "I'm a demon, we're the best at messing with someone's head,"  
"I know, and I've dealt with enough of them to know that the best way to do that is to tell the truth," Mel said, just above a whisper,  
"You know what I think?" Dean started,  
"Like I said, I don't give a shit what you think!" Mel growled, "I'm far too pissed at you for your opinion to still matter to me,"  
"You can see I'm still Dean," he said, an evil glint in his eye, "and that's what hurts most,"  
"Trust me, that is not what hurts the most," Mel shook her head,  
"Did it not occur to either of you that I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over both of you! Maybe I was just tired of the box you kept trying to put me in Mel? Maybe I was just tired of babysitting you Sammy, or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since forever!" Dean laughed, "Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!"  
"This isn't my brother talking," Sam said,  
"You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit." Dean said,  
"No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit," Mel said,  
"We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!" Sam said,  
"Well, then, we got nothin’." Dean smiled,  
"Would you say that to dad?" Sam asked,  
"Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!" Dean yelled as Sam prepared the next syringe, "Oh. Ooh. Is this you manning up?"  
"This is me yanking your lame ass out of the fire," Sam drove the needle into Dean's arm, "your welcome,"  
Sam walked straight out of the room. Mel took the ring off her finger that Dean had given her nearly a year ago and put it back on his own hand.  
"Just so you remember how bad it got, once you wake up," Mel said, tears in her eyes, "I love you Dean Winchester, but this is something I cannot do,"  
"You serious about that kid?" Dean asked wearily, Mel could almost catch a glimpse of the old Dean,  
"His name is Owen," she said before turning and walking out of the room.


	2. Welcome Back Dean

Mel wondered into the kitchen and fixed two mugs of coffee. She carried them both through the bunker looking for Sam. He was in Dean's room, standing over a desk flipping through the few photos Dean had.  
"Hey Sam," Mel called quietly,  
"Hey Mel," Sam replied,  
"I brought you coffee," she said, moving into the room and setting it down,  
"Thanks," Sam smiled, "so how is Owen?"  
"He's good, I left them both with...with Owen actually," Mel chuckled,  
"I'm so sorry about all this," Sam sighed,  
"Hey, it's not your fault Sam," Mel rubbed his arm trying to reassure him,  
"Sure it is," Sam said, "if I hadn't wigged out on him about the Angel thing he probably would never have taken on the mark,"  
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd lived with Dean longer than three minutes," Mel smiled and Sam chuckled too, "it's not your fault Sammy, it's not even Dean's," she sighed,  
"What are you so pissed at him for then?" Sam frowned,  
"There are so many things I'm pissed at him for," Mel said, "and as screwed up as it sounds, becoming a demon isn't actually one of them,"  
"I'm not even gonna ask," Sam said, "come on, let's go make sure he hasn't passed out again,"  
Mel followed Sam out of the room and towards the dungeon. They walked into the room only to be met with an empty chair. Panic rose in both their chests as they turned to one another, Dean was free and he'd be gunning for them.

Sam was frantically running around the bunker trying to find a weapon. Mel had gone in a different direction, both of them thinking it would be best if Dean only caught one of them.  
"Come on, Mel! Sammy! Don’t you want to hang out with your big brother? Your 'unofficial husband' I believe it was? Spend a little quality time?" Dean's dulcet tones rang out through the bunker. He kicked the door to his bedroom in and the lights went out leaving the bunker bathed in a red hue, alarms sounding.  
"Smart, guys! Locking the place down. Doors won’t open. I get it. But here’s the thing: I don’t want to leave! Not ‘til I find the two of you!" Dean yelled. Mel hung back watching Dean head down the corridor after a noise he'd heard. She followed patiently behind, her heart hammering in her chest and her blood rushing in her ears. Mel had never been afraid of Dean, but this was Dean without a heart, or a conscience, without mercy. This was the darker side of himself allowed to run free and that...that was terrifying. There was a reason Dean Winchester was feared among monsters and Mel was beginning to see why.  
"Sammy! You’re just making this worse for yourself, man! Oh, by the way, you can, uh… blame yourself for me getting loose. All that blood you pumped into me to make me human… Well. The less demon I was, the less the cuffs worked. And that Devil’s Trap? Well, I just walked right across it. It smarted, but still." Dean called. He made his way to the control room and flipped the lights back on.  
"Yeah, that's more like it," he smiled to himself just before Sam ran and shut the door on him, locking him inside the control room, "that's your big move?" Dean yelled from inside.  
"Listen to me, Dean! We were getting close, okay? I know you’re still in there somewhere. Just let me finish the treatments," Sam yelled back as Mel came up behind him, standing shoulder to shoulder with him.  
"Dean?" Mel called. Her and Sam waited on edge before Dean started smashing the door in with a hammer making them both jump feet.  
"You act like I wanna be cured," Dean said as he swung the hammer, "personally I like the disease," he grinned at them as he broke a hole in the door,  
"Dean, stop!" Mel yelled,  
"I don’t want to use this blade on you!" Sam cried,  
"That sucks for you, doesn’t it? ‘Cause you really mean that!" Dean laughed, still swinging his hammer,  
"Look, if you come out of that room, I won’t have a choice!" Sam said,  
"Sure you will! And I know which one you’ll make. Isn’t that right, Sammy? But see … Here’s the thing: I’m lucky. Oh, hell, I’m blessed! ‘Cause there’s just enough demon left in me that killing you? Ain’t no choice at all," Dean smiled as he broke through the door, Sam and Mel fleeing down the halls and heading in opposite directions.

"Sammy?" Dean called, walking down the corridor, hammer still in hand, "Come on, Sammy! Let’s have a beer, talk about it. I’m tired of playing. Let’s finish this game!"  
Sam breathed in, his back against the wall. He took a chance and peered around the corner, finding it empty. He turned back just in time, as Dean swung his hammer and just missed his head, lodging it in the wall instead. Sam pulled out the knife and pushed it against Dean's throat. Mel came rushing back around, having heard Dean's voice and the smash of the hammer.  
"You've still got that sneaky side to you Mel," Dean smiled, "you've been behind me the whole time, haven't you?"  
"I learnt from the best," Mel shrugged,  
"Well, look at you," Dean turned back to Sam, still holding the knife at Dean's throat. He licked his lips slightly, smiling with it and enjoying the moment, "do it, it's all you,"  
Sam lowered his arm and Dean's eyes turned black as he took a step towards Sam, smiling. Suddenly arms surrounded him from behind and Dean grunted against the force of them.  
"It's over," Castiel said, his eyes glowing blue. Dean continued to struggle, "Dean it's over," Dean yelled out, using all he had to try and break free. "It's over," Cas repeated for a third time. 

Sam, Mel and Castiel stood around the devil's trap, Dean once again strapped to the chair inside it. Sam had just put the last needle in him and they were now waiting.  
"What the hell are we doing to him, Cas? I mean, even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human," Sam said,  
"Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier," Cas explained.  
Dean began to stir, Mel just waited with baited breath. He looked up at them with black eyes, the darkness beginning to dissipate and his eyes returning to normal. Sam unscrewed the lid to a flask and looked at him as he moaned and let out a breath.  
"You look worried, fellas," Dean said. Sam splashed holy water on him and he didn't flinch.  
"Welcome back Dean," Sam smiled. Mel walked straight out of the room and Dean just hung his head as she left, feeling his heart break harder than it ever had before.


	3. No going back

Mel sat at a table in the library, nursing a mug of coffee in her hands and sighing to herself. Castiel leafed through a book on the table as Sam walked into the room.  
"Hey," Sam said,  
"How's he doing?" Cas asked,  
"He’s uh … He’s still a little out of it, but better, I think. I mean, I think this whole thing—the blood cure, and the … all of it—really wrecked him, you know?" Sam said,  
"Yeah," Cas replied,  
"On the plus side, he’s hungry again, so I’m just going to go pick him up a big ol’ bag of crap food and stuff it in his face myself. You mind keeping an eye?" He asked,  
"Yeah," Cas nodded, "Sam?"   
"Yeah?" Sam said,  
"You realize one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that’s true. But the Mark of Cain… that, he still has. And sooner or later, that’s going to be an issue," Cas said,  
"You know what, Cas? I’m beat, man. One battle at a time, you know? So I’m just gonna go grab my brother some cholesterol. And then, I’m gonna get drunk," Sam said, he nodded at Cas and walked out of the bunker.   
Cas turned to Mel and sighed.  
"Does he not understand the severity of the problem?" Cas asked,  
"Yeah he does, he just doesn't have the energy to care right now," Mel said, "you have to let him rest for now, he'll find a way to save Dean, he always does,"  
"How are you?" Castiel's gaze suddenly intensified,  
"I am not okay Cas," Mel shook her head as she blinked back tears,  
"I know," Cas came and put his arm around her shoulder awkwardly, "I'm sorry I can't make you okay,"  
"It's fine, I'm not a Winchester, I like to work through my problems," Mel gave Cas a grim smile,  
"That's a good thing," Cas said,  
"It is, in any other circumstance it is," Mel said quietly, "but when the problem is Dean and you know what working through it really means..." A tear fell down her face, "I love that ass so much, but I just know..." She shrugged,  
"You know what?" Cas frowned,  
"I know how it's going to end," Mel wiped her face and stood up, excusing herself and walking back towards the kitchen to make more coffee. Prolonging the inevitable was the best it was going to get, so she sat and drank coffee till she couldn't ignore it anymore.

Dean stood at his desk, looking at the photos he'd managed to gather over the years. His mom and dad, him and Sam, Mel and his little girl. He couldn't believe how he'd ended up here. He'd had it all. For a hunter, he'd really had it all. But he just couldn't help it, he had to go and screw it all up, again. He heard a knock at the door.  
"Yeah," he called through it and Cas opened the door.  
"You look terrible," Cas said, making Dean laugh,  
"You know it wouldn't kill you to lie every now and then," Dean said,  
"No, it wouldn't kill me, I just...you..." Cas tried,  
"Forget it. Well, you on the other hand, you...looking good. So...are you back?" Dean asked,  
"At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car," Cas shook his head at Dean's stare, "another time,"  
"Well, thank you for, um… Stepping in when you did," Dean said and Cas nodded, "What did Sam say? Does he want a divorce?"  
"I’m sure Sam knows that whatever you said or what you did, it wasn’t really you. It certainly wasn’t all you," Cas said,  
"I tried to kill him Cas," Dean said, anger in his tone but aimed more at himself than anything,  
"Dean. You two have been through so much. Look, you’re brothers. It’d take a lot more than trying to kill Sam with a hammer to make him want to walk away," Cas said,  
"You realize how screwed up our lives are that that even makes sense?" Dean said making Cas laugh, "I'm glad you're here, man,"  
Castiel turned to leave and Dean couldn't help but ask the question burning inside him.  
"How's Lanie?" He let out an unsteady breath,  
"Mel is not okay," Cas said simply,  
"Have I lost her?" Dean asked, already knowing the answer to that question. Cas turned slowly back to face Dean and looked at him sadly.  
"I believe you have Dean," he said sincerely, "but she's still here, so maybe there is hope,"  
A tear slid down Dean's face, having his worst nightmare realised hurt more than he could imagine. It hurt even more because it was all his fault.   
"Hey, maybe you should um … take some time before you get back to work. Allow yourself to heal. It’s, uh … I don’t know. The timing might be right. Heaven and Hell—they seem reasonably back in order. It’s quiet out there," Cas suggested,  
"Thanks Cas," Dean nodded and wiped his hand down his face, breathing in and deciding it was probably time to face the music.

Mel looked up from her mug as Dean walked into the room. He just stood there in silence, not wanting to say anything, not wanting to start the dominoes falling. Mel kept his gaze, feeling the exact same thing.  
"There is nothing I can say..." Dean's voice broke,  
"No there's not," Mel said, "but I'm too tired now to deal,"  
"What do you want to do?" Dean asked, tears welling in his eyes,  
"I don't know," Mel shrugged, her own tears cascading down her cheeks. There in front of her stood the one person in all the world she wanted to fall into, the one person who could make her feel as though everything was okay again. There in front of her stood the one person in all the world who'd caused her more pain than she'd ever experienced in her life. The one person who'd made her feel as if her heart and soul had been dragged over concrete and left shredded. She did not know how to be okay, she didn't even know how to try. Dean just stood and watched as his own tears began overflowing. He'd lost every right he had to comfort her, to put his arms around her, to make her feel safe. And the worst part was, it was entirely his doing.   
"What do you want to do?" Mel asked threw tears,  
"Time travel," Dean said without thinking and Mel blurted out a small laugh, wiping her tears away as she did.  
"Would you like to meet your son?" She asked,  
"More than anything," Dean nodded, "if you're okay with that,"  
"I won't ever keep you from your children Dean," Mel said quietly, "so long as you're human, and in your right mind..."  
"That's more than I deserve," Dean said,  
"You know, maybe if you'd stop thinking that it's not always about earning or deserving shit, we wouldn't be in this mess," Mel looked at him, "and our daughter wouldn't have had to wonder where her daddy was for nearly six months,"   
"Lanie..." Dean stopped himself,  
"I know," Mel said, her voice cracking again, "it's just...sometimes, sorry really isn't enough,"  
"I don't know what is enough," Dean shifted, feeling his own tears start up again,  
"Neither do I," Mel whispered. She slid off her chair and walked past Dean towards the door. He wiped his eyes and followed her out, getting into her car and feeling his stomach twist in knots at the thought of seeing Sammy. He gave Sam a quick message to let him know where he'd gone, asking him to meet him there. He wasn't sure he could face this alone for long.


	4. New eyes

Mel pulled up to the house, Dean twitching nervously in the passenger seat. She didn't have the energy to be angry at him tonight, she didn't have the energy to be anything at him. She shut the engine off and looked towards the front door. It wasn't so late that Sammy would be in bed, and she'd missed Dean so much. Seeing him would make her so happy. Mel struggled with the idea of allowing him back into their lives. She knew he loved them, and that her children needed their father but they didn't need the heartache that had come with it. Mel glanced across at Dean and saw him breathing out a shaky breath.

Dean twisted his hands in his lap. He looked up at the house and back down to his hands. He didn't know how to do this. He'd systematically destroyed their entire lives as they knew it and was just going to waltz back in and be the best dad ever. That wasn't fair, not on them and certainly not on Lanie. But he didn't know what else to do, he didn't know what to say. He wanted so badly to see Sammy and yet he was so ashamed of what had happened that he just didn't know how. And now he had a son? Another kid he'd known nothing about. But this time he couldn't get mad at Lanie, because it wasn't her fault he didn't know. He must have gone MIA not long after she'd got pregnant, he'd worked it out in his head. Worst part of it was, he wasn't a demon at that point, he was still Dean. And Dean did his Dean thing and ran the hell away. Lanie opened her door and climbed out, waiting for him to follow. He walked up the path behind her, feeling sick with anticipation and nerves. She opened the front door and gestured for Dean to go first.

Dean took a few steps into the house before he heard Sammy start running towards the door. She came to a stand still as she set her eyes on him.  
"Daddy?" She frowned then her eyes widened in realisation, "daddy!" She screamed and ran at him leaving Dean no choice but to scoop her up and hold her tight. Tears fell freely down his face and he made no move to wipe them away or cover them up, even when Owen, Mel's old friend, walked out from the sitting room.  
"Dean," he nodded gruffly,   
"Hey," Dean nodded back, closing his eyes as he hugged Sammy, never wanting to let her go.  
"Where have you been daddy? Do you feel better now?" Sammy asked, "mommy said you got sick and had to go away so we wouldn't get sick, but I missed you so much,"  
"I know, I know," Dean sniffed, "I missed you so much too, and I'm better now, I'll be better now,"  
"Hey Owen," Mel said quietly, pulling him in for a hug,  
"Hey darlin', you okay?" Owen asked,  
"I'm...you know..." Mel shrugged and released him, looking up at him with teary eyes,  
"Does he know?" He asked,  
"Yeah, he does," Mel nodded,  
"I'm gonna go, call me if you need me," Owen kissed her forehead, nodded at Dean once more and left.

"This way," Mel tugged on Dean's arm while he still held on tight to Sammy,  
"Yeah, okay," Dean said, releasing his daughter and setting her next to him, holding her hand as they moved into the sitting room. Across the room next to one of the sofas, was a small Moses basket on a rocking frame. Dean heard the sound of very quiet cooing and felt his heart stop. He saw the basket move ever so slightly with the motions of the small child inside. Mel stepped in front of him and looked him directly in the eye.  
"Dean..." She said, drawing a shaky breath, "I know a lot has happened this past year and I can give a good guess as to how you're feeling about it all..."  
"Lanie..." Dean interrupted,  
"Just listen Dean," Lanie said and Dean clamped his mouth shut, "he is your son, just take this one moment to give yourself a break and be in it with him," Her voice broke as she continued, "forget the last few months, forget the pain and the guilt and all of it, just enjoy it instead of convincing yourself you don't deserve to be here,"  
"Okay," Dean nodded and Lanie stepped out of the way. He stood there for a second or two, his heart hammering and a lump forming in his throat. He felt Sammy gently tug on his arm.  
"It's okay daddy," she looked up at him with her brilliant green eyes and Dean could have sworn she understood exactly what was going on, "he'll love you just as much as I do," Dean took a step towards his son and Mel decided now was the time to leave. If she watched Dean with Owen, she would fall in love with him all over again, and she couldn't do that. It hurt so much already, loving him as much as she did, adding to it would only make it worse. 

Dean walked quietly over to the basket, aware that Lanie had slipped out. He ignored the pang he felt in his chest and decided to go with what she'd told him, ignoring everything and just living in this one moment. Owen deserved at least that much from him. Sammy walked around the side of the basket and looked down smiling at her baby brother. She looked so much like Lanie it was ridiculous, excepting her eyes that were mirror images of Dean's. Dean looked down at his son and stopped breathing. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, his heart swelled and his eyes filled with tears. Owen looked exactly like Sam when he was a baby. Dean was hit with a thousand memories of his life before hunting, of his mom and his dad, of a baby Sammy and all the hopes and dreams of that world. He couldn't find it inside himself, there weren't enough words to express how happy he was or how grateful he was. Not only did he have such a beautiful baby boy but he'd been blessed with an abundance of happy memories he'd since forgotten.  
"He's so cute, isn't he daddy?" Sammy smiled,  
"He sure is," Dean chuckled back, "hey there Owen," he put his finger in his baby's tiny hand and felt him grip it, thinking it might as well be his heart. He gazed into the little man's eyes before scooping him up and settling himself on a sofa, Sammy scooting her way up next to him and peering down at her little brother.   
"Mommy says I'm a big sister now and I have to look after him when he needs me," Sammy said,  
"That's right," Dean nodded,   
"She said its her job to do all the hard stuff cause she's his mommy, but I get to do all the fun stuff," Sammy giggled, "like teach him how to play tricks on people, and get away with stuff,"  
"And blow up fireworks," Dean said, under his breath. It was so hard heeding Lanie's words because she was just so damn amazing. Every little thing she did consistently made him realise he didn't deserve her, no matter what she said. He wasn't just lucky or blessed to have her, it was a downright miracle. He watched Owen as he cooed at him, he smiled into his beautiful newborn blue eyes. He let a few tears fall down his face, drinking in the happiest moment of his life and wishing he could have been there when Samantha was this new. He stayed wrapped up in that moment for as long as possible, with Sammy falling asleep on his shoulder chatting away to him and telling him all the things she'd wanted to for months. 

Dean moved gently to lay Sammy down on the couch. He got up and put a sleeping Owen back in his Moses basket before scooping his now seven year old daughter up and carrying her to bed. He lay Sammy down and tucked her in, kissing the top of her head. He sighed heavily, deeply regretting the pain he'd put her through the last few months. He wondered if maybe it would have been better had he not knocked on Lanie's door a year ago and asked for help. But then he wouldn't now have Owen too, so maybe there was a reason for everything. Dean came back downstairs and went straight back to his baby boy, determined to relish every moment he had with him. He scooped him back up still sleeping and nestled him into his shoulder and neck, walking with him to the kitchen. Mel had to take a breath when he came through the door, he looked so natural with him that she could have chosen to ignore everything and pretend like nothing ever happened. She wanted to do that so badly.   
"There's coffee in the pot," she said,  
"Thanks," Dean nodded, still not sure how to really act around Mel. That was the part he hated the most. He always knew how to be around her, she was the one person he never found difficult to be around.  
"I'd offer you some help but it looks like you've pretty much got it," she gave him a small smile,  
"Well, I can add it to my list of many talents," he grinned, that grin that had always made Mel's heart melt. It was going to be harder than she thought, to do what she knew she had to. Dean came and sat with her at the breakfast bar.  
"He's amazing Lanie," he said quietly,  
"I know," she smiled,  
"I'm, uh, I..." Dean wasn't sure where to go from there,  
"Dean," Lanie sighed, "I don't want to do any of this now, I don't want an apology, just...can we just sit and chat and forget...just for tonight, just this one time,"   
"Yes." Dean said, with such feeling and sincerity that Mel wanted their forgetting to include all night. She loved him so much it hurt, and right now it felt like torture.  
"Thank you," she said, it was all she could manage for a minute. They sat in silence together, just being, for a few minutes.  
"He looks exactly like Sammy when he was a baby," Dean said,  
"Really?" Mel asked, a little surprised,  
"Yeah," Dean chuckled, "so much so, that I even had flashbacks and memory downloads,"  
"Wow, I never knew," Mel smiled,  
"I like his name too," Dean said,  
"His full name is Owen Castiel Bobby Reynolds," Mel said,  
"That's...that's really sweet," Dean nodded, tears in his eyes,   
"I would have made his last name Winchester but then not only would I have had to change Sammy's but I was afraid he'd inherit that curse of yours," Mel smiled,  
"I am more than happy for him to be a Reynolds," Dean grinned, "I know he's mine, he doesn't need my last name to prove it,"  
Mel watched Dean adjust Owen on his shoulder as he squirmed a little bit. He bounced him back to sleep, quietly shushing him and looking like he'd done it a hundred times before.   
"You're a natural at that," Mel said,  
"Kinda like riding a bike though, right?" Dean said, "do it once and you can do it a thousand times,"  
"I forget how much you literally did raise your brother," Mel sighed,  
"So do I," Dean said,   
"You did a good job though," Mel said,  
"I'm not sure my dad would have agreed with you," Dean chuckled, "given all that's ever happened to us,"  
"Your dad gave up the right to an opinion the minute he gave up his role as a father," Mel said,  
"He wasn't all bad," Dean said,  
"He wasn't all good either, and from what I remember he very rarely tried to be," She said,  
"I know," he sighed,  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start slating him," she said,  
"It's okay, I know how you feel about the man," Dean chuckled, "hell, he knew how you felt about him,"  
"Didn't exactly try to hide it," Mel laughed,  
"He did respect that, you know? Not that he'd ever have said anything to you," Dean smiled,  
"Really?" Mel laughed, "that doesn't sound like your dad at all,"  
"Yeah, I remember him saying it after you ripped him to shreds for something he'd said to me, after you stormed out of the room that is," Dean grinned at the memory,  
"He actually said he respected me?" Mel asked, eyes wide,  
"Not in so many words, but that was the general gist of it yeah," Dean smiled,  
"What did he say?" Mel said, curious now,  
"He said my mom would have loved you," Dean said, a tear in his eye, "he said you reminded him of her,"  
"Wow, for your dad, that's possibly the biggest compliment he could have given," Mel sat in her chair stunned,  
"It was the truth though, my mom would have loved you," Dean smiled,  
"I'd have loved her I think," Mel said, "I feel like you're more like your mom than you remember,"  
"What makes you say that?" Dean frowned,   
"You're nothing like your dad," she said simply,  
"I miss her, a lot," Dean said, his tear falling,  
"She'd be proud of you," Mel said with sincerity,  
"I'm not sure about that," Dean sighed,  
"I am," Mel looked straight into his eyes, "those few short years she got to raise you, they must have been good, because without knowing it they were able to protect you for over twenty years from ever going so far you actually lost who you were,"   
"Until three months ago," Dean sighed,  
"The reason why you became a demon Dean was because you died, it had nothing to do with choice," Mel said,  
"I didn't exactly jump at the chance to be human again though," he snorted to himself,  
"When you find a demon who does, let me know," Mel said,  
"Fair point," Dean nodded,  
"Besides, we're supposed to be ignoring this for now," Lanie grinned, "and Owen is due a bottle any minute," she got up and began preparing it, shaking the powder with boiled water and putting it in a warmer for a few seconds. About two minutes later Owen began to stir and Dean moved him so he was cradled back in his arm. Lanie passed the bottle over and Dean watched as his son guzzled the lot. He grinned at how proud he felt and how happy just having this moment made him.  
"I'm gonna go up to bed," Mel said, her gaze intent on her baby, "the spare room is made up if you want it, just drop Owen in his crib in my room when you're ready,"  
"Okay, thanks Lanie," Dean said, "Sam should be here soon, I'll wait for him to get in at least,"  
"Okay, night Dean," Mel squeezed his shoulder as she stood up and Dean sighed to himself sadly, he missed her touch so much.  
"Night Lanie," Dean nodded and turned back to Owen, doing his best to fight back his feelings.

Mel got to her bedroom and shut the door quietly behind her. She lent her head against the door and closed her eyes. It took only a few breaths for her tears to fall and they fell fast. Mel raced over to her bed and shoved her face in the pillow, muffling the hysteria that seemed to flow with her emotions. Her body racked with sobs, her head hurt from crying and her eyes were so sore but she still couldn't stop. She loved Dean with all her heart which is why it was in so many pieces. She thought about all the things he'd said before they'd cured him, the look in his eye, the hate in his voice. No matter how much she told herself it wasn't really him, she still couldn't forget it, she still couldn't just get past it. And it wasn't about the fact that he was a demon either, it was about so much more than that. It was everything that happened before it, all the lead up to that and what it meant. The more she thought about it all the angrier she got and the sadder she became. She finally fell asleep, face down in her pillow a few hours later, completely exhausted with emotion.


	5. Hope fades

Mel woke with a start early the next morning, suddenly very aware that she hadn't heard Owen cry in the night. She looked over at his crib to see it empty. Dean must have kept him all night, Mel couldn't blame him. She went to the bathroom and saw the mess she was in. Her eyes were red raw and puffy, her skin was blotchy and pale and her hair was tangled and frizzy. She decided a quick shower wouldn't go a miss and climbed in. She only took a few minutes to wash herself and freshen up before getting out, drying off and dressing. She made her way downstairs, peering into the living room and seeing Owen on Dean's chest, both sound asleep. Mel went and made coffee, no sooner had she finished fixing herself up a mug and Sam walked in the room.  
"Hey Mel," he yawned,  
"Hey Sam," she replied,  
"How you doing?" He said,  
"I'm not great," she said, feeling the tears against her eyes again,  
"Sorry, stupid question," he sighed and pulled her in for a huge hug. Mel wrapped her arms around him and breathed him in, her head on his chest and his arms across her shoulders. After a while Mel pulled back gently, thankful that he let her stay as long as she needed.  
"How are you?" She asked him,  
"I'm doing okay," Sam nodded, "starting to worry how we're gonna get that damn mark off Dean,"  
"Yeah, that's not going to be easy," Mel sighed,  
"He's gorgeous by the way," Sam smiled, "Owen, he's beautiful,"  
"Thanks," Mel smiled back, "looks just like you apparently,"  
"Yeah, so I'm told," Sam laughed,  
"Well the grown up version doesn't look half bad," Mel smiled,  
"Thanks," he nudged her playfully.  
Mel began making up a bottle for Owen, knowing he'd start stirring soon. Sammy came bounding in a few minutes later, super excited to see her Uncle. Sure enough, it didn't take long for Dean to wonder into the kitchen in search of a feed for Owen, now wriggling around on his shoulder. Mel took him from Dean, giving him his bottle and letting him snuggle into her. She smiled contentedly at her son, blissfully unaware of the pained but loving look that Dean was giving her. 

"Let me take him, I'll go put him down," Sam said as Owen fell back to sleep in Mel's arms,  
"Thanks Sam," Mel laid him gently in Sam's overly long arms,  
"I mean, I'll try and put him down, might just take me a really long time," he smiled, making Mel chuckle, "come on Sammy, any films you've got that I might have missed out on?"  
"I think I've got a few..." Sammy said, trailing off as she ran into the sitting room closely followed by Sam.  
Mel and Dean stood in awkward silence for a few seconds, neither one daring to speak. They both knew they had to talk but neither of them really wanted to start, knowing where it was going to lead,  
"So..." Dean sighed, "uh..."  
"Dean..." Mel started too,  
"Lanie, look, I'm sorry about everything, I know it won't make a difference, I know it's not enough but I have to say it," Dean said,  
"I don't need an apology Dean, I know you're sorry, I knew the minute this all began that you'd be nothing but sorry once it was over..." Mel sighed, "I'm not angry at you for dying, or even becoming a demon...I'm not even angry at you for wanting to stay that way..." Mel let out a wobbly breath, doing her best to keep it together, "I'm mad at you for not talking to me, something you said you'd do when we agreed to make this work, and I'm mad at you for making me feel like an idiot for really believing you would," a tear or two fell down her cheeks and she wiped them away briskly. She looked up at Dean and shrugged. "What exactly can you do to make that all okay? How do I trust you again? Trust that you're telling me everything? How do I trust myself and my faith in other people? I still love you Dean, I always will, but contrary to popular belief, love isn't always enough,"  
"I know," Dean felt his heart sink inside of him, finally realising that Lanie's problem wasn't a fixable one, "I wasn't expecting you to forgive me," he said quietly,  
"Dean, I love you, I forgave you the moment you did it," she said, the tears back in her eyes, "but I can't do it again,"  
"You won't have to Lanie," Dean shook his head, "I promise,"  
"Don't make promises you can't keep, even if they are with the best intentions," Mel looked at him sadly,  
"Lanie, I'm sorry," Dean's tears fell down his cheeks and Mel went to him,  
"So am I Dean," she gently wiped his tears away,  
"Please don't give up on me," he said, "you promised you wouldn't give up on me,"  
"Dean, I'm not giving up on you, I wouldn't ever do that," she sucked in a breath, "I'm giving up on us, at least for now, maybe once the mark is gone...maybe after we've all had time to really deal with all this..."  
"Lanie..." Dean put his forehead against her own, fresh tears falling as he realised just how badly he'd screwed up this time,  
"Dean..." Mel felt her own tears begin to descend and breathed out shakily, trying to maintain control, "if it was just me, and just my life, I'd fall back into you every time no matter what...but I can't go through this again, it would kill me, I can't do that to Sammy and Owen, they need me and they need me strong and sane and not descending into a personal pit of despair,"  
"I understand," Dean said,  
"I'm sorry," Mel said, "I really am sorry," she pulled away and walked out of the kitchen, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep her resolve if she'd stayed. Dean stood there, feeling his world collapse around him and wondering what the hell he was doing to his life.

The next few days passed too quickly. Mel made it clear that Dean was still welcome there anytime, that it was still his home and his children deserved to see him. Every time she looked at him her heart screamed at her to give in, to just let it be and forget it all. But she couldn't, she would always love him but she knew him. Mel knew him so well that something happening like this again was inevitable. Dean could make as many promises as he wanted but he never saw the end game till it hit. He lived in the moment and didn't see far enough ahead to the consequences, he took the mark of Cain for all the right reasons, never seeing the end result until it was upon him. Mel couldn't risk it, it didn't matter how much she loved him for it, her children needed her to be okay. And that wasn't going to be possible if ever Dean decided he could do it all on his own again. Sammy didn't seem to notice that they weren't sharing a bed anymore, and if she did she hadn't mentioned it. Mel acted as normally as she could around Dean whilst Sammy was around, but as soon as she was in bed Mel shut herself down. It was the only way to protect what little of her heart remained in tact. After a few days, Dean and Sam caught a case and they were off again. Mel waved goodbye and went back to her life of Sammy and Owen, one she'd gotten so used to over the last few weeks and months.


	6. Hope stays

Everything was good for a few weeks. Dean called every night to talk to Sammy like he used to and him and Mel were able to have friendly conversations as he asked about Owen and how they all were. It was nice, it almost made Mel believe that maybe things could work out. Sammy was happier again, she couldn't wait to speak to Dean every night and Mel had almost stopped waiting for the calls to disappear. It was going well, really well. Until Dean turned up at the door, completely broken and looking utterly terrified.  
"Dean!" Mel cried as she laid eyes on him and the wreck he seemed to have become,   
"Lanie, I'm sorry," he said through stilted breath, "I didn't know where else to go, I didn't know what else to do..."  
Mel pulled him through the door and guided him to a seat in the kitchen. Dean sat and stared at the counter, not knowing where to look or what to do.  
"What happened Dean?" Mel came and sat on the stool next to him,  
"I can't control it Lanie," Dean said, "I can't control the Mark, it's, it's doing something to me, I can't stop it, I can't fight it..." Dean broke off as Mel took hold of his hand and squeezed it. He looked into her eyes and she put her forehead against his, calming him.  
"It's going to be okay," Mel said, "I promise it's going to be okay," She'd never seen Dean like this before, ever, and it was scaring her.  
"Don't make promises you can't keep Lanie, even if they're with the best intention," Dean chuckled gruffly,  
"I never have," she smiled up at him, "what happened?"  
"We went to help Cas with Jimmy's daughter Claire," Dean began to explain as Mel pulled away slightly to see him better, her hand still in his, "she was living with this douche Randy who was about to sell her out, trade her in to an even worse guy to repay all his debts,"   
"Okay," Mel nodded, keeping up,  
"Cas and Sam go to put Claire in the car and one of these guys starts on me..." Dean faltered,   
"What happened Dean?" Mel asked,   
"I killed them, all of them..." He couldn't bring himself to look at Lanie, "I just kept slicing and slaughtering...I couldn't stop...their blood was everywhere and I didn't care, I just kept going till they were all dead..."  
Mel sat in silence for a few minutes, allowing herself time to process as well as giving Dean a minute to recompose himself. She looked up at him and felt her heart pull, she was still so connected to him. All she wanted to do was help him, fix him, make him better.  
"I don't know what to do..." Dean looked at Lanie sadly, almost like a lost child, "what do I do?"  
"I don't know Dean," Lanie responded, just above a whisper,   
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this to you, to your door, not with the kids..." Dean went to stand and leave when Lanie surprised even herself. She pulled him to her and kissed him softly, something she wondered if she'd ever do again. Dean's hand shot up to cup her face gently, returning her sentiment sweetly.   
"This is exactly the place you bring that stuff," she whispered to him as they broke apart,  
"What happened to waiting till after the mark disappeared?" Dean asked, a smile on his lips,  
"I can't fix you from that far away," Mel said, "and you can't fix me either. Besides, I missed you too much,"  
"I'm sorry this is happening," Dean sighed, tears in his eyes, "if I'd just talked to you..."  
"You'd still have taken the Mark of Cain, and you'd still have tried to kill Metatron, resulting in your death and turning you into a demon," Mel said, "it just would have been a little easier if we'd had some warning,"  
"The Mark is changing me, it's taking over, I can feel it," Dean said, "I can feel the red rage, the anger, the hate, all of it inside me..."   
"But it's not you," Mel said, placing a hand on his chest, "it might be inside of you, but it's not you, you have to fight it Dean,"  
"I'm trying," he said,   
"Cain managed for a long time, can't you find him, ask him how he did it?" Mel questioned,  
"Maybe," Dean nodded,  
"It's worth a shot," Mel said, "anything to go on is better than nothing,"  
"I know," Dean nodded again,  
"We can work this out Dean, together," Mel pulled him into a tight embrace and he soaked up her touch and feel. He wondered if he'd ever get chance to be this close to her again, wondered if he'd ever do enough that she'd let him. And yet here he was, a broken mess of a man, and she'd let him back in without a seconds hesitation.   
"I love you Lanie," Dean whispered, "I wish I could change...so many things,"  
"I wish you'd stop wanting to," Mel said, "life leads us into unexpected places, sometimes we have to learn to let it be,"

Mel took his hand and led him up the stairs. She pulled him into their bedroom and climbed into bed. Dean undressed and slid in beside her. Mel wriggled up to him and nestled herself in his arms. She listened to his heart beating and drank in his warmth. God she'd missed him. Dean wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. He sighed in relief, feeling the rage the Mark subdue a little. Mel breathed him in, her head screaming at her that this was a bad idea but her heart feeling such contentedness that she didn't care. Seeing Dean in the state he was at her front door, she suddenly realised how much they needed each other. If she waited until the Mark was gone they might not get a second chance.   
"Lanie...?" Dean spoke softly,  
"Yeah?" She replied,  
"I love you," he said,  
"I love you too," she said.  
Dean rested his head on top of hers and breathed in deeply. He smelt the scent of her coconut shampoo and felt his heart calm. He closed his eyes and within minutes he'd drifted off. It was the best nights sleep he'd had in a long while.

"Daddy!" Sammy came bounding in early the next morning,   
"Hey there sweetheart," Dean sat up in bed and lifted her onto his lap,  
"I didn't know you were coming home?!" She grinned,  
"Neither did I," Dean smiled, "where's mommy?"  
"Downstairs with Owen probably," Sammy said,  
"Come on then," Dean said, "let's go find them, and maybe some breakfast?"  
"Yes! Breakfast!" Sammy giggled and jumped up, heading for the door. Dean followed and they bounced down the stairs to find Mel sat at the island in the kitchen feeding Owen and drinking coffee with a very pissed off Sam.  
"Uncle Sam!" Sammy screamed and ran at him,  
"Hey gorgeous," he smiled as he picked her up,  
"Sammy, can you go and watch tv for a second please?" Mel asked her,  
"But daddy said we were going to find some breakfast," Sammy huffed,  
"And you can, but he needs to talk to Uncle Sam first and it's grown up talk," Mel explained,  
"But Owen isn't a grown up and he gets to stay," She sulked,  
"Owen is a baby and doesn't understand anything that's being said," Mel raised her eyebrows at her daughter,  
"Maybe if it's not stuff you don't want me to hear, it shouldn't be said at all!" Sammy argued,  
"Sammy," Dean chided, "your mom has asked you to do something, now go do it,"  
"You can't tell me what to do! You aren't ever here!" Sammy yelled,  
"Samantha!" Mel cut across her, "leave this room immediately!"   
"It's not fair!" She wailed,  
"Life isn't fair, get used to it!" Mel said crossly, "go watch some tv for a few minutes like I asked,"  
Sammy huffed her way out of the kitchen, giving each adult a pained expression as she went.   
"She's right," Dean said shaking his head, "I'm never here...I should just..."  
"You're her dad and you're not a deadbeat one, don't even start that!" Mel warned him, "it's a defiant phase she's going through,"  
"That's a regular occurrence," Sam frowned,  
"Yeah, started not long after Owen was born," Mel said, "it's fairly normal,"  
"Normal?!" Dean said unconvinced,  
"Yes, normal!" Mel laughed, "a new baby does this sort of thing to kids,"  
"Oh, turns them into mini demons that try to emotionally manipulate you?" Sam said,  
"Yeah, they even tell the truth when they know its gonna hurt," Mel sighed, "So...you ran out on Sam huh?"  
"I'm sorry," Dean turned to Sam, "I was freaking out and I didn't know what to do,"  
"So you just left?" Sam frowned,  
"I got in the car to go for a drive, to clear my head, and I ended up here," Dean explained, "I'm sorry, I should have called or left a note or something,"  
"Dean, if you want to beat this thing you need to stop doing stuff that you have to apologise for," Mel smiled softly,  
"I was worried sick Dean!" Sam said, "after what happened with Randy..."  
"I know, I know," Dean said,   
"Okay, new rules for a new game," Mel said, "we talk, all of us. When we go somewhere or do something out of the ordinary, we talk. When we feel as if we're losing control, we talk..."  
"I don't really do talking," Dean grimaced,  
"Well, then you won't really be doing me again," Mel smirked,  
"I can talk, talking is fine..." He nodded,   
"So, are you two back together now?" Sam frowned,  
"We are...working on it," Mel said and Dean smiled,  
"But I thought..." Sam said,  
"So did we," Mel smiled, "turns out we were wrong,"  
"I'm gonna go see Sammy," Dean said, "make sure she's okay,"  
Mel nodded and watched Dean as he left the kitchen.

Sam looked at Mel as he drank the rest of his coffee. She sighed and rolled her eyes at him.  
"Spill it Sam," she said,  
"You can honestly forgive him after everything that happened?" Sam frowned,  
"I forgave him before it happened," Mel said, "I love him,"  
"Yeah, but, letting him back in so soon?" He said,  
"He's broken Sam, worse than I realised," Mel explained, "if I force myself to stay away I'm not sure he's gonna come back to me in a state I can fix,"  
"It's not up to you to fix him," Sam said, "it's up to him to want to be fixed,"  
"Actually Sam, it is," Mel said, "he wants my help, he needs it. And I need his. What happened broke me too and I need him to help heal me,"  
"I've known you long enough to learn that you know what you're doing," Sam nodded, "I trust you,"  
"I love you Sam," Mel smiled,  
"Love you too," he grinned.

Dean found Sammy in the front room watching cartoons. He sat beside her on the couch and waited for her program to finish before turning off the tv.  
"So, how are you doing?" Dean asked gently,  
"I'm sorry daddy," she said quietly, "I just missed you so much,"  
"I know sweetheart, I missed you too," Dean sighed, scooping her up into his arms,  
"Why were you gone so long?" She asked,  
"I got sick, and the thing that got me sick kind of made me a different person," Dean said, "I did some very bad things and my sickness made me run away which made it hard for your mom and Uncle Sam and Uncle Cas to find me and make me better,"  
"Mommy wouldn't let me call you or talk to you," Sammy cried, "and she got really big with Owen in her tummy and couldn't do anything fun, and then he was born and we still can't do anything fun!"  
"I know, baby brothers can really suck sometimes," Dean nodded, "Uncle Sam was exactly the same when he was born and I had to put up with him,"  
"So mommy won't always love him more than me?" Sammy asked with tears in her eyes,  
"Woah woah woah!" Dean looked into her eyes and smiled, "Sammy, your mom doesn't love Owen more than you, she could never do that!"  
"But she spends all her time with him, and he always needs stuff when we get to do fun things..." Sammy said,  
"That's because he's a baby and he can't do anything for himself," Dean said,   
"Oh," Sammy said, suddenly realising what Dean was getting at,  
"Your mom loves you with all her heart Sammy," he smiled, "Owen just in there too now," he gave her a minute to process before continuing, "your mom wouldn't let you talk to me because I was very dangerous when I was sick, it's not her fault so don't take it out on her, okay?"  
"Okay," Sammy nodded,  
"Listen, I'm not going to tell you that you should always be there for your brother and that he's your responsibility now or anything like that," Dean said, "but, if you love him with all your heart and look after him and help him grow, he'll be the best friend you ever had and the best person you'll ever know,"   
"Thanks daddy," Sammy smiled and wiped her tears,  
"Let's go get that breakfast," Dean grinned. Sammy bounded into the kitchen closely followed by Dean. She hugged Mel tight before starting to help with breakfast. Mel couldn't help but smile at Dean as he danced around the kitchen with his little girl making all sorts of mess but filling the room with much needed love and laughter.

Dean and Sam only stayed for a couple of days before they were gone again. Mel sighed as she watched them leave, wondering what sort of state she'd find Dean in next time she saw him. They spoke on the phone every night still and it was beginning to mend the cracks in their relationship. There were times when Sam was researching or busy and Dean would just spend hours on the phone to Lanie talking about everything and nothing. He was determined he could do this, for her and his children. He had to.


	7. Chapter 7

"Where is she?!" Mel yelled as she entered the bunker and ran down the stairs,  
"In here!" Sam yelled back. Mel followed the sound of his voice as she flew down the halls and reached the room he was coming from. Charlie was unconscious on the bed, beaten and bloody. Sam was looking panicked and Dean...Dean looked defeated and very pale.  
"What happened?" Mel asked as she crossed the room to the bedside,  
"She got beat pretty bad," Sam said, his eyes flicking up to Dean, "it's a long story,"  
"She needs a hospital," Mel said,  
"We can't take her to a hospital..." Sam cried, "please..."  
"I don't have an x-Ray machine," Mel said, "I can't tell if she's broken anything internally,"  
"We'll take her if we really have to, but the hospital is too dangerous," Sam said, "her evil twin just beat and tortured a bunch of people and killed a prominent business man,"  
"Okay, okay," Mel nodded, "I'll see what I can do,"  
Mel set to work assessing Charlie. She pressed her hands over her abdomen and all down her arms and legs. She felt the break in her left forearm and winced at the way it moved under pressure.   
"She's okay, lots of bruising and a possible fractured rib, definite concussion but she needs a cast on this arm," Mel pointed to Charlie's break,   
"Can you cast it here?" Sam asked,  
"Yeah, but I'll need my extra bag which I left in the car," Mel said,  
"I'm on it," Sam flew out the door towards Mel's car.

"What happened?" Mel asked Dean gently, taking his bloody hand and looking at his ashen face,  
"I couldn't stop..." He whispered,   
"What did she do that made you start beating on her anyway? She's Charlie?" Mel asked, still gently and calmly,  
"Her soul spilt in two, good and dark," Dean said, "dark Charlie was a dick, she started beating into me...it started off as just defensive..." he started to sob, "I never meant to actually hurt her! I forgot they were connected, I forgot it was Charlie..." Dean hung his head in his hands, "I don't know if I can beat this thing..." He whispered,  
"I do," Mel sighed, "but it's not enough for any of us to know, you have to,"  
She took her bag from Sam as he came back through the door and went to start fixing Charlie up. She cast her arm and cleaned her cuts and bruises.

"Sam?" Charlie stirred, "Dean?"  
"Charlie?" Mel called softly,  
"Hey?" She frowned at Mel,  
"I'm Mel," Mel smiled, "you're okay, you're in the bunker,"  
"Mel?" Charlie frowned again,  
"Uh huh," Mel nodded,  
"As in Lanie?" Charlie asked,  
"Yeah, as in Lanie," Mel smiled again, "how're you feeling?"  
"I hurt, a lot..." Charlie mumbled, "I can see why Dean fell for you...your gorgeous! Your eyes are so beautiful..."  
"That would be the painkillers talking," Mel laughed gently, "but thank you, that's very sweet,"  
"It's very true..." She grinned,  
"How's your arm? And your head?" Mel asked,  
"Everything aches but other than that, I feel pretty good," she smiled,  
"Okay, good," Mel nodded, "I'm just going to check your vitals and then we'll see about sitting you up and getting you some food,"  
"Okay," Charlie sighed, "uh...how's Dean?"  
"He's Dean," Mel gave her a knowing smile,  
"I knew he'd never forgive himself," Charlie said, a tear slipping down her cheek, "this is all my fault,"  
"Wow, you really are their little sister," Mel smirked,  
"But it is...if I'd never gone to Oz..." Charlie was cut off,  
"Don't do that to yourself," Mel shook her head, "what happened, happened. No amount of hindsight is going to change that, and if you want Dean to forgive himself you're going to have to lead by example,"  
"Do you think he ever will?" Charlie asked, wincing as Mel helped her sit up, "forgive himself? Do you think he will?"  
"I think Dean has a very long list of things he's not forgiven himself for, and I don't think there are enough days left in his lifetime to get through that list," Mel sighed, "and it's not because I don't think he's got a long life left to live..."  
"Did you say something about food earlier?" Charlie asked,  
"I will go find something for you now," Mel grinned, "be right back,"

"How is she?" Sam asked as Mel walked into the kitchen,  
"She's awake, she's fine," Mel nodded,  
"She's awake?" Sam smiled,   
"Yeah, you can go see her if you take her a glass of water and a piece of toast," Mel laughed as Sam set to it quickly. She waited for him to dash out the door before fixing two cups of coffee and making her way to Dean's room. She couldn't help but shudder as she passed the doors leading to the dungeon. The memories of that night still plagued her, she tried to forget them but they were still there. It didn't matter that she knew Dean wasn't in his right mind, because she knew deep down that he was still Dean. He knew that too. It was something they hadn't talked about, they couldn't talk about yet. To openly acknowledge it would break them both, and they were already too broken to come back from that. It wasn't often that Mel was up for ignoring stuff but that was definitely something she couldn't deal with right now. 

Mel knocked on Dean's door and waited for a response. She heard his gruff tones telling her it was open before she turned the handle and walked in. She rested the two mugs of coffee on his desk and went and sat on his bed.  
"She's awake," Mel said softly, "she's going to be okay,"  
"No thanks to me," Dean grumbled. He'd been holed up in his room since they'd got back, Mel couldn't get him to leave.   
"She doesn't hate you," Mel said,  
"She should," Dean answered,  
"According to you, we all should," Mel huffed,   
"Maybe you should all listen," he huffed back,  
"I think you hate yourself enough for the rest of us to ignore it," Mel snapped,  
"Can you blame me?! I'm a monster Lanie and there ain't no cure for that!" Dean growled,  
"You're only a monster Dean if you want to be!" Mel glared at him, "I know you struggle with the idea of being anything else, but what we are does not define who we are!"  
"Are you kidding me?!" Dean raged, "of course it does!"  
"Then explain to me how Cain stopped killing? Or how Crowley became your new best friend? Or how Charlie got to be that sweet and awesome nerd we know? How Cas turned on his own brothers to save you and the rest of the world?!" Mel was nearly yelling at him, "they found themselves in their darkness, Dean. They didn't let their darkness become them,"  
"D'you ever stop to think that maybe my darkness is me?" Dean asked,  
"It's because you're asking yourself that question that we're all in this state," Mel said, tears in her eyes, "this is the reason I hate your dad so much, because it would kill your mom to know how much you believe that to be true,"  
"There's only so long I can blame my dad for the shit I've done," Dean said,   
"And I will blame him for eternity that you will never see yourself as anything but expendable and monstrous," Mel let out a wobbly breath, "not only has he ruined your life but he's damaged mine too, and our children's,"  
"That's on me," Dean said, sniffing as his own tears began falling down his face,  
"If your dad hadn't made it your sole mission and purpose in life to look after Sammy, we wouldn't be here," Mel said, "we'd be in a world that looked a lot different from this one. If your dad hadn't dumped all his shit on you we wouldn't be having this discussion, and you wouldn't have so much pent up rage and anger that walking the line between human and demon is like a trapeze instead of a sidewalk,"  
"There is something about this Mark," Dean said, his arm shaking as he looked down at it, "I can feel it sucking on my soul,"  
"Find a way to make it stop Dean," Mel said, "I need you, I love you..."  
"I love you too," Dean walked towards her and wrapped her up in his arms. Mel cried into his chest as he stroked her hair and gripped her tighter.

"Come on, I'm gonna go say goodbye to Charlie then I've got to head home," Mel said, pulling away from Dean and drying her eyes, "you can walk me out," she sniffed,  
"Okay," he nodded and took her hand in his, pulling her in for a quick kiss, "I'm sorry I'm so screwed up..."  
"Don't be," Mel shook her head, "just...you need to at least want to fix it,"  
"I do," Dean frowned,  
"Then start acting like it," Mel sighed, "start believing it's possible,"  
Dean nodded reluctantly as Mel pulled him towards the door. She snaked her way around the corridors with ease and Dean smiled at how fast she'd memorised the layout of this place. They both seemed to shudder passing the dungeon doors but neither one of them said anything. Dean couldn't come back from that, he would never forgive himself and never stop hating himself if only for that. What he'd said to her, how that must have hurt. He still remembered everything he'd done as a demon, still remembered having another woman in his bed and in his arms. It made him feel sick, he only ever wanted Lanie and none of them lived up to her. He couldn't even remember his reasoning for bothering to try. He carried on walking to the map room as Mel ducked through Charlie's door. He still wasn't ready to face what he'd done to her, even though it was his own actions that caused it.

"I've got to get home now sweetie," Mel came and sat next to Charlie on her bed,  
"You're leaving me here with these two?!" Charlie whined,  
"Yeah, sorry," Mel winced, "but I'll call to check up on you everyday,"  
"Every hour?" Charlie asked,  
"Nice try, but I have a seven year old that needs my attention less than that!" Mel laughed,  
"You have a kid?!" Charlie frowned and sat straight, "how did I not know this?!"  
"Uh..." Mel trailed off, "I thought Dean would have told you..."  
"You just heard that sentence as it came out of your mouth, right?" She chuckled,  
"Yeah I did," Mel laughed, "while we're on the subject, I actually have two kids,"  
"Two?!" Charlie exclaimed,  
"My youngest is two weeks old," Mel smiled,  
"Two weeks...?" Charlie frowned again,  
"They're both Dean's kids too," Mel blushed a little,  
"I'm gonna kill him!" Charlie glared at the door, "and Sam!"  
"Well, when you're feeling better, swing by and I'll introduce you to your niece and nephew," Mel grinned,  
"I would absolutely love that!" Charlie squealed, "see you soon Lanie,"  
"See you soon Charlie," Mel hugged her tight before leaving, waving as she got to the door.

"You ready?" Dean asked,  
"Yeah," Mel nodded, "I'd stay longer but I can't leave the kids another night..."  
"I know," Dean nodded as they made their way to her car,  
"You could come with me?" Mel suggested, knowing it would get her nowhere,  
"I want to come with you more than you know," Dean laughed with tears in his eyes, "but...I think I'm a little too dangerous right now,"  
"Dean...demons are filled with pain and suffering and most of all, hate. Don't feed your demons," Mel looked at him sadly, "please, just let a little love inside..."  
"I love Charlie, she's might as well be my little sister," Dean chuckled before his face fell and his features turned hard, "I love her and I did that to her...I could have killed her Lanie, I would have killed her..." He puffed his breath out and looked at her, fixing his tortured green eyes on hers, "if anything like that happened to you, if I did anything even close to that with you...I couldn't live with it, I couldn't...I wouldn't...I can't even think about it. And it's not just you in that house, there's Sammy and Owen and oh god...I just can't risk it, I can't risk being there,"  
"Dean," Mel pulled his arms down that were now on his head and stopped him from turning in circles, "I understand, I truly do. I just don't agree," she put her hands either side of his face and wiped his fallen tears away with her thumbs, "I know you, you wouldn't ever do that. I understand, but I don't agree," she kissed him softly and he snaked his arms around her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself get lost in the moment for just a few more minutes.  
"I will find a way to fix this," he said as he broke away from her,  
"I love you," Mel smiled as she untangled herself from him, "see you soon,"  
"Love you too, see you soon," Dean stood and watched as Mel swung her car out of the space and drove on down the road.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean sat in the passenger seat of the Impala watching Sam drive. He huffed loudly, looking down at his now fourteen year old body. Suddenly his phone went off.  
"Hello?" He answered quickly,  
"Hi, is Dean there?" He heard the sound of Lanie's voice fill the speaker,  
"This is Dean," he responded,  
"If this is Dean, why'd you sound like a high-schooler?" Lanie said,  
"I got...got, by a witch," Dean replied,  
"You got done over by a witch? And she turned you into teen Dean for what reason exactly?" Lanie wasn't buying it,  
"I promise it's me, Lanie," Dean tried,  
"No offence, especially if you're telling the truth...but uh, if you're really Dean why would you think a promise was going to work?" Lanie coughed hesitantly,  
"Ouch!" He winced a little bit, "harsh...but true," he turned the phone on speaker,  
"Hey Mel, it's Sam," Sam spoke up,  
"Hey Sam! You been to any funky towns recently?" Mel laughed,  
"It's really Dean, Mel," Sam laughed,  
"No shit!" She breathed, "what the hell?!"  
There was a rustle in the background and then suddenly another voice rang out through the car.  
"What's up bitches?" Charlie's voice made both the brothers smile.

"What are you doing at Lanie's?" Dean asked,  
"Who are you?" Charlie asked,  
"That's Dean," Mel explained, "he's getting a bit old and rusty...meant he got a young and fresh upgrade,"  
"Huh?" Charlie frowned,  
"A witch turned him into a teen," Sam laughed,  
"What are you doing at Lanie's?" Dean asked again, choosing to ignore them,  
"I'm always at Lanie's," Charlie grinned, "I practically live here now, when I'm around,"  
"Your little sister keeps hitting on me...it's kind of adorable but weird all at the same time," Mel giggled,  
"So, can you reverse it? The teen thing?" Charlie asked after laughing along with Mel,  
"Not sure yet..." Sam sighed,  
"It kind of comes with an upside..." Dean cleared his throat nervously,  
"An upside?" Mel and Charlie said almost in unison and with the same unconvinced tone,  
"Yeah, an upside...you two need to stop hanging out together!" Dean part huffed and part laughed,  
"The mark is gone," Sam said,  
"Just because the mark is gone doesn't mean you should stay fourteen," Mel said hesitantly,  
"But if the mark is gone...?" Dean started,  
"That's great Dean, but I can't be in a relationship with a fourteen year old, and while you could still get away with being Owen's dad at a push...you can't be Sammy's when you're only seven years older than her," Mel said,  
"Yeah I know, but maybe if we come up with ways of getting around the logistics of it?" Dean sighed,  
"Okay, let me put it this way...I love you, a lot, and you can find ways around everything but one thing," Mel bit her lip, "you're gonna be waiting at least seven years to ever have sex with me again..."  
"That's not funny," Dean grumbled,  
"Seven years till you can drink too," Sam laughed,  
"Shut up! That's not funny!" Dean huffed,  
"I wasn't joking," Mel said, "if you're serious about staying young to get rid of the mark, you need to think about every aspect of your life it would change. Just because we'd know about it, doesn't mean it wouldn't really affect you,"  
"I know...I'm thinking..." Dean said,  
"Just...think a lot," Mel sighed, worried but not upset with him,  
"I will," Dean nodded, "hey, what d'you ring me for anyway?"  
"Oh, I wanted to know if you guys were free for a couple hours," Mel said, "me and Charlie had a games night in mind, but it's okay, we can play without you both,"   
"Don't panic if you hear I've kept her up all night!" Charlie laughed,  
"Have fun you too," Dean grinned, "but not too much fun,"  
"We won't do anything you wouldn't do, Dean," Charlie said innocently,  
"That worries me even more..." He laughed, "love you..."  
"Love you too," Mel blew a kiss,  
"Peace out bitches," Charlie said as the phone hung up.   
Dean hung his head and sighed. Lanie was always good at bringing up the impracticalities of his decisions. She was right though. The mark may be gone but he'd lose so much more; his kids couldn't grow up with a fourteen year old as their dad. It would put them in too hard of a place. They'd never get to introduce him to anyone, he'd end up being Sammy's older brother instead of her father...he could see that happening because it was the simplest choice that made the most sense. And he didn't want to be her big brother, he was her daddy. He sighed heavily.

"You okay dude?" Sam asked,  
"Yeah, I'm just..." Dean sighed again, "I hate it when she's right,"  
"Huh?" Sam frowned,  
"Lanie, I hate it when she's right," Dean said,  
"Oh, yeah..." Sam nodded,  
"I can't lose my kids just because the mark disappeared and I'm too scared to get it back..." He trailed off,  
"What d'you mean?" Sam asked,  
"I'm a danger to them Sammy," he shrugged, "I'm a danger to everyone, and I can't put them in that position...I'm terrified that I'll hurt them and I won't be able to stop,"  
"Dean..." Sam went to argue with him,  
"Look what I did to Charlie," Dean said, "it started off as self defence and I wouldn't have stopped unless you stopped me!"  
"What has that got to do with Lanie?" Sam frowned,  
"What if something happened to her, made her not herself? What if something happened that made her start beating on me?" Dean said quietly, "I'm not saying I'm just gonna start freaking out and killing people...I'm saying once I'm triggered I can't stop, and I can't afford to be that unstable around her or the kids,"  
"That actually makes sense," Sam nodded, "I get that,"  
"You do?" Dean frowned,  
"Yeah, I do," Sam nodded, "we'll fix it though, the mark, I promise,"  
"I know..." Dean said quietly. 

A roasted witch and a few hours later, Dean was back driving the Impala feeling the familiar pulse of darkness pumping from the mark now back on his arm. He rang Lanie and sighed as he heard her answer.  
"Hello?" She said,  
"Hey Lanie, it's me..." Dean said,   
"You're not fourteen anymore," he could hear the smile in her voice,   
"No I'm not," he said,  
"But the mark is back..." She sighed,  
"Yeah, the mark is back," Dean nodded,  
"Well, I'm glad you're alive, and I'm glad you're old and rusty again if I'm honest," she chuckled down the phone and Dean felt his heart swell at the sweet sound,  
"I love you Lanie," Dean said without thinking,  
"I love you too," she said, "you and Sam wanna come and crash here tonight? I got left over pie?"  
"We'll be there in an hour," Dean laughed as he hung up and began heading in her direction.

"Hey, there you," Mel stood up to greet Dean as he walked through the door. Charlie was still up and her and Sam hugged before switching pairs.   
"So, you ganked the witch l take it," Mel said,  
"Yep, straight up celebrity one too," Dean grinned,  
"Celebrity?" Charlie frowned,  
"She was the wicked witch from Hanzel and Gretal," Sam explained,  
"We took him out too," Dean wiggled his eyebrows, obviously very proud of himself,  
"Who?" Charlie asked,  
"Hanzel!" Dean huffed,  
"Beer?" Mel asked,  
"Sure," Dean nodded and Mel walked into the kitchen to grab more drinks. 

Mel opened the fridge door and pulled out for bottles, setting them down on the counter with her back to the door. She reached for the bottle opener before being tugged around quickly by powerful yet gentle arms. Dean pushed his lips on hers, sweetly to start with until Mel took the lead and flung her arms around his neck. She caressed his face and pulled on his neck, longing to be as close to him as she could get. Dean picked her up by her hips and she instinctively wrapped her legs around him as he sat her on the counter. She felt her body craving him, her heart crying out for him and she didn't want to stop.   
"We need to save this for later," she panted into Dean's ear in an attempt to pull away slightly,  
"Why?" Dean chuckled,  
"Because Sam or Charlie might walk in..." Mel moaned out as Dean nipped down her neck,  
"I think we've been gone long enough for Charlie and Sam to know what we're up to," he found her lips again and she gasped as he lifted her up and slid his fingers underneath her jeans at the same time as flicking his tongue in time with hers.  
"Dean..." Mel needed him, she needed him more than she realised,  
"I know, I know," Dean breathed heavily, stealing kisses as he underdressed them both. Mel moaned into his mouth as she felt him slide inside of her. They moved together, hips in time and swallowing each other's moans and groans. It was something they both desperately needed, to feel each other again. To feel one with each other again. Mel cried out as she reached her high and Dean let himself go seconds later. He placed her gently back on the counter and nuzzled into her shoulder as they both rode it out. 

"I love you," Dean said, tears in his eyes and a sadness in his tone,  
"I love you too," Mel kissed him sweetly before jumping down and pulling her jeans back up. Dean followed suit and grinned sheepishly at her.  
"That was..." Mel sighed contentedly,  
"Uh yeah...it definitely escalated quickly," Dean laughed, coughing and shifting awkwardly,  
"Dean...we'll fix this, we always do," Mel placed her hands either side of his face, forcing him to rest his greens on her browns,  
"I don't deserve you...I didn't deserve that..." Dean said barely above a whisper,  
"Hey, don't shut me out again...please," Mel looked at him desperately,  
"I can't undo what I did, I can't change what happened after I became a demon..." Dean sighed as tears fell from his eyes,  
"We can't talk about that right now, it's too much," Mel shook her head, "anything but that..."  
"Lanie, you have to know...what I said, what I did..." Dean drew in a breath,  
"Dean please, I don't want to know..." Mel felt herself shaking as her own tears started to fall. She couldn't hear about Dean with other women, Dean enjoying himself without her, all the awful things he'd done to some other girl.   
"This is something you have to know," Dean pleaded, "I have to tell you or we can't get better and I can't get better..." He sniffed and stood back a little, "being a demon is all about hate. You hate everything and all you enjoy is anything that produces more hate. I know that you already know this, but what I hate the most in all the world is..."  
"You," Mel said through tears, "you hate you,"  
"Yeah, I do. And I know you don't understand it but I will never stop hating me. Being a demon, it didn't stop me from hating myself or from being myself...you know I was more me than anyone else cares to believe, I could see it in your eyes. Lanie...what I did wasn't because you weren't good enough and it wasn't because I was evil or out for a good time, it wasn't for any other reason than hate. The hate I fed off as a demon was the hate I have for myself, and I fed that hate by doing a lot of things that made me hate myself more,"  
"You went into self destruct because it was the only thing that made sense in the state you were in," Mel shrugged, "Dean I understand that..."  
"No, I don't think you do..." He sighed, "being a demon...it was freeing, exhilarating, it was so indescribable...I didn't feel anything but hate and I didn't have to give a shit about anything or anyone. I could do what I liked and when I liked, it felt incredible. I knew that no matter what, you and Sam and Cas would find a way to bring me back...I didn't want to go back because it I knew it would hurt like a bitch, having to carry the weight of the guilt and the pain again...so I did everything I could think of to cut myself off from it because I knew I'd feel worse than before...because I knew I'd purposely screwed up and screwed over everyone I loved...because I knew I'd hurt you. More than I'll ever be able to mend. I created my own punishment for turning human again, it was like giving myself the finger. If I could make myself hate me even more, the road back to demon wouldn't be so long. I have never hated myself more or felt my heart break as hard as seeing the way you looked at me when I came back to full human, and there is nothing I can do to take that away. I can't forget it and I can't make you forget it either...and you...you should have better than that, better than a guy who's more of a fuck up when he's human than demon,"

"Being a demon is awesome then?!" Mel frowned,  
"What?" Dean said,  
"It's exhilarating, indescribable, incredible..." Mel let out a shaky breath as a few tears fell down her cheeks,   
"I didn't mean it like that..." Dean said,   
"I'm sorry we cured you Dean," Mel said quietly,  
"I'm not," Dean sighed before he smiled at her, "I didn't mean it like that...I meant that as a demon you don't feel anything and you don't care that you do...no pain, no guilt, no weight of the world soaked in a ton of memories all conditioning you to act a certain way or be a certain way," Dean closed the small gap between himself and Mel. She looked up at him and shook her head, not sure how he was going to save this now.  
"All the shitty memories, all the jackass moves I've made, all the pain and guilt from the wrong choices...I'd take them back a hundred times just to get back one memory with you, and how it felt to see your eyes shine, how it made my heart beat to watch you smile, to have your laughter make my bones ache...you, you make it all worth it. You and Sammy and Owen. I damaged you the most because as a demon I couldn't remember how much I loved you, I just knew it was enough to care so much it hurt,"   
"I...I don't know...what to say," Mel was completely taken aback,   
"You don't have to say anything, I just needed you to hear it," Dean said,   
"Dean..." Mel sighed, really not sure how she felt anymore,  
"I know it doesn't change anything, I wasn't telling you to change anything...I just needed you to know," Dean closed his eyes and shook his head as more tears fell down his cheeks. He sniffed before opening his eyes and bringing them back to rest on Mel's. "I said some awful things to you, and I can't pretend like it was just the demon screwing around with you. If you can't get past it...I totally get that...I don't know...I just...you're the one person I can always talk to, the one person who knows everything about me, I can't move past it if I keep hold of it. The memories I have of the things I did," Mel saw a look pass across Dean face, one she'd never seen before. She knew Dean was not exactly the self-loving type but she'd never seen his hate for himself more evident on his face than then. The demon side of himself really had done a good job, there was no better punishment than making Dean hate himself more. Dean would always hate himself, it was an eternal punishment, better than life in jail. 

"I'm not going to lie," Mel finally spoke and Dean's head snapped up, his eyes locked on hers, "I'm not finding it easy, at all. But, what I am finding easy is being with you again," Dean let out a long breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, "I love you Dean, what happened doesn't change that it just makes it hurt more,"  
"I know..." He nodded,  
"I don't think you do," Mel shook her head, tears spilling up over her eyes, "same as I don't really know what it was like to be you, demon or not," she sniffed and looked back up and him, "Dean, it is so hard loving a person that can hurt you so much. You're the cause of the most amount of pain I've ever felt in my entire life and yet I can do nothing but keep loving you...do you have any idea how terrifying that is? Or how insanely stupid that makes me feel?"   
"It does sound pretty damn stupid," Dean joked and Mel let out a small chuckle. She knew he'd felt what she said, she knew it had ripped through him knowing that but it was something he had to know, same as what he was saying was something she had to know.   
"Dean, I don't know how to deal with it, I don't even know to think about it...so I'm just not gunna," Mel giggled as Dean frowned,  
"You're just going to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen?" He asked hesitantly,  
"No, I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen, but yes, I am going to ignore it," she smiled,  
"I don't get it Lanie," Dean was still frowning,  
"I love you, I don't want to have to deal with the idea of your hands all over another woman or hers all over you..." Dean looked like he might be sick hearing her say it out loud like that, "I can't ever be okay with that, and I certainly don't ever want to think about it. But, I can be okay with you and I can think about us and that's what I'm going to do,"  
"It'll eat you alive," Dean shook his head, "it'll never work,"  
"It works for you," Mel shrugged with a grin, "and I haven't got all that other shit piled up that's pushing it back out, I still have a relatively empty cupboard in the space of my mind with more than enough room to fit that,"  
"You can really do that?" Dean frowned, "just put it away and forget?"  
"I really want to, so yeah," Mel nodded, "it might come out every once in a while, which would require your patience whilst I put it back in, but yeah,"   
"For you, I'll have all the patience in the world," Dean smiled,   
"I know," Mel kissed him sweetly,  
"How come your cupboard is so empty and mine is so full? It's not like our lives have been completely different?!" Dean suddenly frowned,  
"Well, because I normally do this thing called dealing with something," Mel said, "so there's lots of room to fit in the odd thing I can't deal with,"  
"What else is in there?" Dean asked curiously,  
"Not much to be fair," Mel said, "uh...my parents death, Jess' death...leaving you when I was pregnant with Sammy..."  
"Wait, what?!" Dean stopped her, "why is that in there,"  
"It may come as a surprise to you Dean, but sometimes other people can't forgive themselves for stuff either," Mel smiled softly at him,  
"But I forgave you so long ago..." He looked at her sadly. Mel put her hands either side of his face and kissed him. She let her lips linger on his for a few seconds before nuzzling her nose against his and looking in his eyes.  
"The thing I'm putting in the cupboard is not because I can't forgive you it's because I can't forget it. Dean, I've forgiven you for everything, and I've told you that several times...have you forgiven yourself yet? Will you ever?"   
"Uh...no," Dean shook his head in understanding,   
"And neither will I," she said,  
"And telling you that you should isn't going to change that," Dean said,  
"No, it's not," Mel smiled,  
"Come on, they're gonna be gasping if we don't get in there with these beers soon," Dean chuckled as he picked up a couple bottles. Mel smirked and grabbed the other two before following him out the door and back into the living room.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'd ask what took you so long but you're not exactly quiet," Charlie laughed as Mel went bright red,  
"Told you they wouldn't walk in," Dean smirked and nudged her playfully,  
"Almost..." Sam laughed, "I was about two seconds away when I heard you!"  
"I'd have loved to see your face!" Dean slapped him on the back and laughed back,  
"I think hearing you was bad enough," Sam grimaced,  
"You ever hear Dean going at it with a girl from the bar when we used to hunt together? Or me with another guy?" Mel asked,  
"Yeah but that's different, you weren't together..." Sam glared as Mel smirked,  
"You've heard a few times Sam, you just didn't know you had," she laughed as he turned a little red,  
"Thank you for those images..." Sam huffed, "you know Dean used to describe in detail the stuff he did with those girls..."  
"He what?!" Mel glared over at him,  
"I used to do it before we started hooking up, it would have looked weird if I'd stopped!" Dean laughed,  
"You're a dead man Winchester!" Mel stood up quickly and Dean's face dropped. He ran out the door as fast as he could quickly followed by Mel. Sam and Charlie were grinning at the pair of them.

"I cannot believe you told Sam all the stuff we used to do!" Mel chased him back into the kitchen,  
"I can't believe you thought I didn't!" Dean laughed, grabbing a dish cloth and spinning around to face her,  
"Don't start that!" She warned, a glint in her eye as she grabbed her own,  
"Game is on!" Dean whipped the towel at her and bolted for the door, running back into the lounge where Charlie and Sam quickly moved for cover.  
"You're going down!" Mel laughed, whipping her cloth at him and catching him on his thigh. He barely winced before trying to flick her back.  
They dodged and dived around the room getting some good shots off between each other. Mel flung her towel out and cracked Dean a good one right on his hand. He jumped back and shook it off. He flung his out and smacked Lanie's arse making her shriek. She ran at him flicking the cloth at him as she went before pushing him onto the couch and pinning him down.   
"That was fun," Dean panted,   
"It was supposed to be punishment," Lanie glared,  
"I look forward to real punishment," Dean wiggled his eyebrows before pulling her down and kissing her full on the lips.   
"Urgh! Get a room guys!" Sam part laughed and part huffed,  
"That's not a bad plan!" Dean gave Lanie a wicked grin before standing up and throwing her over his shoulder.   
"Dean what are you doing?!" Mel laughed,  
"See you in the morning guys," Dean nodded to Sam and Charlie as he walked past them, carrying Lanie to bed.   
"Night," Charlie smiled and shook her head, watching Mel pretend to try and struggle.   
"Night," Sam waved. 

Charlie sat down on the couch with Sam and flicked the tv on in the background. She passed him a beer and they clinked before taking a decent size swig out of both.  
"I don't think I've ever seen Dean genuinely happy," Charlie said,  
"I only ever see that side of him here," Sam nodded,   
"She's his answer," Charlie said,  
"I know, but I don't think he knows that," Sam sighed,  
"Me neither," Charlie sighed too, "The kids are gorgeous," she grinned,  
"Yeah, they are," Sam smiled, "I remember the first time I met Sammy, she was six and I'd literally just woken up from being repaired by Mel. This little bouncy thing just came straight up to me and looked at me with Dean's eyes...it was surreal," he chuckled,  
"Yeah, Lanie told me your face was a picture!" Charlie laughed,   
"How long have you been here?" Sam asked,  
"Pretty much since I left the bunker," She grinned, "I came by to say thanks and I really wanted to meet Sammy and Owen. I kind of never left, I've got nowhere else to go and nowhere else to be," she shrugged, "until I can find out more about the 'book of the damned' I figured a few days here might be nice,"  
"That was weeks ago!" Sam laughed,  
"It's the first place I've ever been where I'm reminded of what family feels like," Charlie said, "it's the first place that's ever come close to feeling like a home again,"  
"Does Mel know?" Sam asked,  
"She knows about my family and my background, I haven't told her how I feel about this place," she smiled, "I don't think I need to, I think she already knows,"  
"Yeah, she's pretty intuitive is Mel," Sam chuckled, "and you are a Winchester at heart,"

The next morning Mel woke up to the sound of cooing from the cot beside her. Before she even had chance to let out her usual groan, Dean had jumped out of bed and raced around the side to grab Owen.   
"Hey little man," he smiled as he took hold of the now six month old baby boy. Owen laughed and smiled up at him, cooing as Dean bounced him up and down on his shoulder.  
"Mommy?" Sammy shifted in the doorway,   
"Hey sweetie," Mel smiled sleepily at her as she walked into the room,   
"Aunt Charlie's still asleep and there's someone else in there with her..." Sammy whispered just as she caught sight of Dean standing in the corner of the room, "Daddy?! Daddy!" She flew across the room to Dean and he scooped her up in his free arm and hugged her tight.  
"The guy in Aunt Charlie's room is Uncle Sam," Mel smiled,  
"Uncle Sam?!" Sammy squealed in delight as she wriggled out of Dean's arms and ran back down the corridor. Dean laughed as he followed her out, blowing Lanie a kiss as he went. He watched as Sammy flung the door to the spare room open and climbed on top of Sam. He smiled as he watched his brother scoop her up and pretend to roll over with her, as if he was falling back to sleep. Sammy giggled uncontrollably, shrieking at Charlie to help her. Two minutes later all three of them emerged from the room laughing and yawning. Dean traipsed down the stairs first to sort Owen out with a bottle.

Dean and Sam spent the day milling around and enjoying the company of family. They all went to the park and then for a walk in the woods. Dean and Sammy made lunch while Sam and Charlie fought over Owen, Sam's puppy dog eyes winning out every time. Mel couldn't remember feeling this happy or content in a long while. Realisation hit a little bit around dinner time when the boys caught a case. A ghost had somehow driven someone off a bridge. Dean helped Mel put Sammy and Owen to bed before giving her a long and passionate kiss goodbye.  
"I'll stop by on our way back through," he smiled with tears in his eyes,  
"I'll be here," Mel chuckled, kissing him softly and quickly before he had to pull himself away. She waved at them alongside Charlie as they drove off down the road.


	10. Chapter 10

A few days later and Mel heard the roar of the Impala pull up outside. She smiled as Sammy ran to the door to greet Dean. He swung her over his shoulders and gave her a big hug. Sam smiled as he walked in close behind. Mel could tell there was something off with him but she wasn't sure what.  
"Hey guys, how'd it go?" She asked casually,  
"Not bad, actually," Dean said, "it was odd, never seen a ghost surfing the Internet before," he shrugged, "and I found out I'm something called a Gen X?"   
"That's really cute," Mel giggled,  
"He just found out what Trini is," Sam smiled and Dean huffed, rolling his eyes.  
"I like you Gen X," Mel grinned, "imagine if you were like Sam?" She grimaced,  
"Thanks Mel, I love you too!" Sam laughed,  
"Come on Winchester," she nudged him playfully, "our ball has never even been in that court,"   
"Hey guys, what's up?" Charlie bounded in the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear,  
"Not much," Sam said, giving her a quick hug, "just ganked a ghost in the machine,"  
"Nice," Charlie nodded,  
"And Dean found out he's Gen X," Mel giggled,  
"Aw, that's so cute!" Charlie laughed,  
"It's not...I'm not...shut up!" Dean growled and carried on walking through the house and towards the kitchen. The group turned to follow and Mel hung back slightly with Sam.

"What's up Sasquatch?" She nudged him,  
"Uh, nothing..." Sam trailed off,  
"Hi, my name's Melanie, I can read you and all your family so I know when you're lying..." Mel said sarcastically, "spill it,"  
"I can't, it's not for me to spill," Sam sighed,  
"So Dean then?" Mel said,  
"He'll tell you, I know he will, he can't not," Sam said, "he tells you everything,"   
"I know," Mel nodded, feeling a little pit start forming in her stomach. For Sam to get this worked up, it was something big, or at least it would be eventually. She sighed and nudged him again.  
"It'll be okay, we'll be okay," she smiled up at him,"  
"I don't know Mel..." Sam shook his head,  
"I do," she said, "we will be okay, even if he isn't,"  
"Huh?" Sam frowned,  
"I know Dean, I know what he's like and the roads he'll drag himself down..." Mel sighed, "I may have fallen in love with your brother but it never stopped me from seeing you as a brother. We'll be okay, you and me, if we have to, we'll be okay,"  
"I love you so much," Sam pulled her into a tight hug and felt a few tears sliding down his face, "I really needed to hear that, more than you know,"  
"We're in it together, like always," she said into his chest, "you don't have to do this alone,"  
"Thanks Mel," Sam let her go and wiped his eyes quickly before they turned the corner into the kitchen and burst out laughing at the sight.

They were only a minute behind the others at most and yet it was like they'd walked into a war zone. Sammy was on Charlie's back and Dean was running around the kitchen dodging their spray bottle. Owen was sat in his high chair laughing at them all and Mel and Sam just couldn't help but join in. Mel grabbed a couple of water pistols stored in one of the cupboards and threw one at Dean, she gave Sam the other one before grabbing Owen and running for the back yard. The rest of the group followed and began spraying and squirting each other as soon as they broke into the outdoor space. Mel placed Owen on a small blanket and propped him up with some cushions and pillows so he could watch in safety. He was still laughing hysterically. Mel ran to the tiny shed at the back of the garden and pulled out the bigger water gun she had stored there. She filled it up using the outside tap and turned on the rest of the group before any of them had even realised what she was doing.  
"I don't know whether to be proud or pissed," Dean laughed,  
"Be both," Mel grinned as she squirted him in the face.   
The group screamed and squealed and laughed and danced with each other for nearly an hour, all of them completely soaked through by the time the game had come to an end. They lay their weapons down, declaring Sammy as the winner and Mel went to grab some towels. She wrapped herself in one before picking Owen up and taking him inside so he didn't get wet. She set him down on his play gym in the living room before turning the baby monitor on and going to get changed.

Upstairs in the bedroom Dean was already stripping Sammy off and getting her dried and dressed again. She was shivering from the cool of the water so he'd opted to put her in some fleecy pyjamas until she warmed up. Once she was ready and Mel had told her she could go and put her new favourite film on ('Howl's Moving Castle') she bounced down the stairs and into the front room, picking Owen up and sitting with him before pressing play.  
"Well, that escalated quickly," Dean laughed,  
"That's the second time you've said that this week," Mel giggled, "were you the instigator this time too?"  
"I wasn't the instigator last time!" Dean said,  
"Yes you were!" Mel laughed,  
"I can't be held accountable for the things you do to me, you drive me crazy! It's a miracle I can function properly as a normal human being around you most of the time," he grinned,   
"Is that so..." Mel looked at him sensually before taking her towel off and removing the dress she was wearing. Dean's breath hitched in his throat as he watched it fall to the floor.   
"That's...that's uh..." He stuttered,  
"That's what?" She frowned innocently as she swayed her hips walking towards him,  
"Oh, that's not fair," he shook his head laughing, "you know I can't resist when you do that!"  
"Do what?" Mel maintained her innocent demeanour,  
"Sway your hips like that..." Dean bit his lip and swallowed hard, he put his hands on her hips as she reached him and closed his eyes, breathing slowly in an attempt to calm himself. Mel didn't wait for him to open his eyes before pressing her lips to his. A few days ago they'd enjoyed some much needed time in bed, kissing, touching, relieving and reigniting what they had. Now she just wanted to make love to him. She wanted to be with him because she loved him and he loved her and nothing else mattered. Dean wrapped his arms around her and dipped her onto the bed, kissing and nipping along her neck. She felt his hands on her bare skin and his breath as he moved across and over her body. Every few seconds his lips would be back on hers and she'd run her fingers through his hair and grab hold. This was what she needed, to feel him again, all of him. To move in time together, to love each other and not just touch each other. The other night was fun, but she didn't want fun right now, she wanted Dean. And Dean wanted her. 

They swallowed each other's final moans as they shared a long and lingering kiss. Dean breathed heavily as he looked down at Lanie, smiling up and him. He pressed his lips to hers softly and nuzzled into her neck, breathing in the smell of her.  
"You are everything that's right with me," Dean sighed as he relaxed and rolled off her, scooping her into his arms and laying with her head on his chest. He let his fingers trail up and down her spine, making her twitch occasionally.  
"What's going on with you and Sam?" Mel asked,  
"I told him I'd had enough of trying to find a way of removing the mark," Dean sighed,  
"Okay..." Mel waited for him to continue,  
"I just...I feel like the false hope of fixing it isn't helping me, it's making me worse," He said, "I need to be realistic, I'm going to have to live with the mark for as long as I live and that means dealing with it and not pretending it's all going to be okay in the end,"  
"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say that," Mel smirked,  
"I'm kind of tired of always having to cram my cupboard doors shut, it would be nice if they'd just close without force," he chuckled,  
"I'm behind you whatever you decide," Mel said, "but if choosing to live with the mark means choosing to never come home to us...I'm not sure I can be okay with that,"  
"I'm not giving up Lanie, I'm going to fight it, with every fibre I have and every breath I take," Dean said, "but the answer lies with me and not with some quick fix, magic spell or remedy,"  
"That I do agree with," Mel nodded, "just remember, that you can't fight hate with hate..."  
"I know, I know," he sighed, "I'm gonna keep working cases, helping people...I'm at peace doing that, being here with you and the kids, that's my peace,"   
"This is your home Dean, always," Mel kissed him quickly before jumping up, "and it's not even three in the afternoon so we need to go back down and join everyone,"  
"I know, but we need a shower first," Dean wiggled his eyebrows,  
"Yeah we do, but I'm not sure I'm in the mood for shower sex," Mel said,  
"I can put you in the mood," he grinned as he got up from the bed and ran into the bathroom just behind her.


End file.
